Ah....Harmony

If there was absolute harmony in the world, we would live in a perfect, peaceful world.  There may be times when things appear to be in harmony, but overall everything isn't in order and balanced all the time.   The perfect paradise of utopia doesn't exist where all political, social, legal, and religious views operate harmoniously. The controversial Henry Miller writing between 1891 and 1980, wrote "The world is not to be put in order, the world is in order, incarnate.  It is for us to harmonize with this order."  To be in harmony means that the relationship between all the elements used in the compositions are in balance.  And the compositions needing to be harmonized could be anything, including ourselves.  Although harmony is a state of mind and what to strive for, that is not to say that we don't have moments of harmony when we are comfortable with whom we are, whole, happy to be alive, and at one with the world.  Our relationships are compatible and accommodating and we have the same goals of peace, love, joy, and tranquility.  If the goal of that which is bigger than us is to have all nations, all cultures, all religions, all people be in harmony and at peace then why are we in discord, why are we not in harmony?  How can we reconcile our differences?  These are the questions we ask ourselves, and unfortunately there are no magic answers.  Since to harmonize also means harmonize one's goal with one's ability to reconcile and adjust to, to alter, or regulate so as to achieve accuracy or conform to a standard, perhaps some day we can all be in agreement as to what moral standards, ethics, and values are and be in agreement with them, a Universal standard.  For now, the closest we can come to harmony is in nature where we can see the ebb and flow of the ocean, a gentle breeze blowing through the trees, the rhythmic beating our our hearts, the colors of a rainbow, the vast expanse of stars in the sky.  If we feel situations in our lives are less than harmonious, we can think beyond any situation we are concerned about and remember the harmony of the Universal design is unfolding, and it is good and bountiful.  Mahatma Gandhi, in his gentle, pacifist way, wrote about ideals for our world.  About harmony he said, "Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed.  Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.

Thoughtful Concern

There is worry, and then there is concern.  Concern, like worry, means something that we are upset or anxious about.  It is a vague, unpleasant feeling, often leading to feelings of fear, and even panic.  Concern of this type is experienced in anticipation of some, usually ill-defined, misfortune. When the concern is due to worry and negative stimuli, it occupies our minds and takes up psychic energy, energy that we could use for being grateful and joyful. It is hard to feel peaceful with a head full of concerns and annoyances.  It is human nature to blow things out of proportion. Often we allow ourselves to get worked up about circumstances, that, upon closer examination, aren't really all that big a deal.  We might ask ourselves, will this matter in six months?  To get past this, we need to observe what we are thinking about, pause or catch ourselves, and dismiss, or change, our thoughts.  Sometimes one thought, one concern, leads to another and yet another, until at some point we become totally anxious and overwhelmed when a more peaceful feeling  is one thought away.  Concerns can be opportunities to grow if we are able to rise above them. Richard Carlson, Ph.D., writes that we should ask ourselves the following questions:  Why is this issue in my life?  What would it mean and what would be involved to rise above it?  Could I possibly look at this issue differently?  When we work with these questions, we are able to hopefully get a better perspective on our situation or challenge.  To be concerned just doesn't mean to be anxious and worried, there is also something I call "thoughtful concern."  Feelings of concern that are sympathetic, softhearted, and tender over the welfare of someone else, most often someone who is defenseless.  And the concern we feel when listening to someone share circumstances they are sorrowful about and grieving over.

To Have or Not Have Expectations

We all have our beliefs about the way people, places, and things should be, and have expectations that they will be, or go, the way we want them to.  An expectation is a belief about what might happen in the future, what is likely or probable.  It can be an exciting anticipation and eagerly awaited, or something negative and dreadful may be expected.  There are two philosophies when it comes to expectations:  to expect good things and have good thoughts (specifically or in general) until proven otherwise, or have no expectations, thereby circumventing disappointment.  High expectations can lead to dissatisfaction and disappointment if things don't go the way we think they should, or someone doesn't do what we want them to.  When this happens, we become frustrated and tense, and perhaps even feel sad, or as if there was a loss.  Hopes are crushed and days ruined.  Some people have said, "an expectation is a premeditated resentment," or, "an expectation is resentment in the making."  Benjamin Franklin put it this way, "Our limited perspective, our hopes and tears become our measure of life and when circumstances don't fit our ideas, they become our difficulties."  It is common for us to have expectations of ourselves, but we can't see progress on our goals if our expectations are unreasonably high.  The root of being disappointed is our unwillingness to accept ourselves, other people, places, things, events, or generally our circumstances in life, as being different in any way from our expectations.  Very simply, we want things to be a certain way.  When we don't get what we want we may fight and suffer.  On the other hand, when we let go of our expectations, especially those that are unreasonably high, we move into acceptance of what is.  We are able to lighten up and enjoy life more.  The only exception to this is if we are working to  improve ourselves for the good.  Granted, it is wonderful to look forward to the fulfillment of something wished for, but it is also important to be prepared if it doesn't come about.  There is also something to be said about worrying about something negative that might happen in the future, because most of the things we are overly concerned about, or "expect" never come about.

Are You a Motivated Person?

Being motivated is a desire to do something, and is a choice. Motivation is energy and animation in action, and includes a sense of aliveness, spirit, and sprightliness.  Motivated people are fun to be around. They are encouraging and set good examples because they use self control and dedication in getting things done. For the most part, motivated people are passionate, but unlike passion, which is having strong emotions about something, motivation is not an emotion. Rather it is a reason for doing something; it is the cause behind making something happen.  It is thought that the root of motivation is the basic need to minimize pain and maximize pleasure.  Motivation can be used for the pursuit of specific needs, or toward a desired object, or state of being.   Usually, if motivated in one direction, the person is also motivated in other directions as well.  Highly motivated people know they need to have balance in their lives and take quality rests and breaks so they can keep the momentum of their projects alive.  With motive in hand, motivated people are able to continue to achieve and pursue their goals with a clear and alert mind regardless of their circumstances.  Different things motivate different people depending upon priorities.  If the sky is the limit, they can be motivated to do whatever they want to do, but usually not without a lot of hard work.  Anyone has the capability of becoming a motivated person, but for so many it remains dormant.  This may be due to general laziness, or because the person feels he is "not good enough," or he may be depressed.  These people do not accomplish worthwhile things in their lifetimes. Motives also may be for wrong, rather than right, doing. Some things help bring motivation about:  motivational books, quotes, sayings, music, and lyrics. Mentors who train, guide, advise, teach, and import new skills and knowledge can also be great motivators. Motivation is a crucial element in setting goals.  One of the most important ways the force of motivation can be used is in the process of making dreams come true.  Someone may have a purpose, an inspiration, and a goal, but without the driving force of zeal, fervor, and vigor that motivation brings to the process, his dream may fall short and not be brought to fruition.

Being Satisfied is More than Being Satisfactory

If something is satisfactory, it is okay and acceptable in a mediocre sort of way, on the other hand, if something is satisfying, we feel comfortable and good about it.  For example, if we are satisfied with a project, or life in general, our expectations have been fulfilled.  We may not be totally high and excited, but then we are not down and depressed either.  If we are satisfied about our lives in general, we are filled with a sense of peace and contentment and are grateful to have what we have.  Following are two situations regarding specific forms of satisfaction.  The actress Ursula Andress said, "Collecting is my joy; it gives me great satisfaction." We can substitute "collecting" with anything that makes us happy.  And when a painter steps back and admires his painting, he is satisfied or he isn't.  When he is satisfied, he feels nothing needs to be added to the painting, that it is complete as it is.  A more general feeling of satisfaction regarding our life as a whole, is noted in this quote:  "Happiness includes chiefly the idea of satisfaction after a full honest effort. No one can  possibly be satisfied and no one can be happy who feels that in some paramount affairs he failed to take up the challenge of life."  Arnold Bennett, English novelist.  Satisfaction is a form of happiness with what is.  So many times we say to our selves, "I'll be happy when..," or, "I would be happy if..."  Nobody feels satisfied all of the time, but we are capable of feeling good most of the time if we look at life with the right attitude.  If we start thinking more about what we have than what we don't have and what we want, life will start appearing better than before. For perhaps the first time  in our lives we will know what it means to be satisfied, to not need or want more.   Although it is foreseeable to reach an inner and deep satisfaction where we are in life, sometimes we are restless and feel compelled to strive to achieve more.  At this point, being satisfied becomes a springboard to reach above and beyond.

Patience

We have heard "patience is a virtue." Actually it is one of the "seven heavenly virtues named in a poem called "Battle/Contest of the Soul" written in 410 B.C.  The author of the poem, Aurelius Prudentius, proposed these seven virtues to directly counteract the seven deadly sins (pride, envy, lust, anger, gluttony, greed, and sloth).   Patience, one of the virtues, means the pursuit of peace.  Patience is also listed as one of the fruits of the spirit in Galatians 5:22.  And, further we have the idiom, "patience of a saint."  So, from knowing this, we can tell that patience is an exemplary quality to have.  Having patience is dealing with people and situations with perseverance and composure in a calm, quiet, and steady manner.  Patience is having forbearance and self control through moderation in trying circumstances.  Patience is enduring pain, misfortune, affliction, or hardship without complaining.  Patience is unhurried, tolerant, and accepting.  Impatience, its antonym, is restlessness or being short tempered, frustrated, and discouraged.  There are  two wonderful analogies that can be made of patience in action:  a game of chess and a cat stalking a mouse.  Wayne Dyer had this to say, "Being infinitely patient means having an absolute knowing that you are in harmony with the all-creating force that intended you here.  You know that everything will happen at just the right time, at just the right place, with just the right people."  Confucius (551B.C.-479B.C.) said, "Do not be desirous of having things done quickly...looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.  He is asking us to look at the big picture.  The execution of patience manifests in confidence, decisiveness, and a feeling of peaceful satisfaction at reaching a goal or resolving a challenge.  In the Al-Anon Family Groups' A Courage to Change, it is noted that, just when we reach the end of our patience, a doorway seems to  open and we suddenly take a huge leap forward.  We see that none of the time that has passed has been wasted.  Although a Turkish proverb states:  "Patience is the key to paradise," to reach this paradise it takes "patience!"

Nurturing Each Other

We have all been nurtured at times in our lives or we wouldn't have grown and developed, and in turn we have nurtured others.  But, human beings are not born  nurturers, or givers.  These traits have to be discovered and learned.  Learning to nurture comes from being nurtured ourselves, emulating others, and life experiences in general.  Nurturing, in its truest sense, is to want to support and help others grow by loving them unconditionally and wanting nothing in return or needing them to change or be different.  Nurturing is an opportunity to be patient, kind, accepting, compassionate, and loving.  It feels good to be nurtured, and also to nurture, because when we give we also receive.  We can see nurturing in action by watching a mother bird feed her fledglings.  Nurturing to the mind is similar to good nutrition.  Just as the body needs a combination of carbohydrates, protein, fats, vitamins, and minerals, the heart needs a combination of inspiration, hope, and courage.  Some of us were not nurtured by our parents for one reason or another, but we have grown up to be responsible, caring, giving, and kind people.   Nurturing comes from coaches, teachers, mentors, pastors, heroes, but can come from anywhere if we are made to feel good and have a sense of belonging.  If we have been lonely in our lives and not had the nurturing we all seek, we might say the following prayer, "Higher Power, please lead me to those who can give me what I need and grant me the compassion to love those who can't."  For our well being it is important that we take care of, and nurture, ourselves.  For example live in the moment by setting a schedule, but not feeling you have to follow it exactly, putter around the house or with your car, make something interesting and new for dinner, pet an animal, hug a child, or just be still in nature. There is such comfort in things like this and nurturing is all about being happy, feeling cared for, and that everything is right with the world.