Laugh, Laughter, Laughing

To laugh is the act of manifesting joy or mirth while emitting sounds (like cackling, guffawing, and ho, ho..ing) and  making happy faces.  We always seem to feel we have to be doing something useful to justify our existence, but we can, and should, allow relaxation, enthusiasm, and delight into our lives.  We can learn to enjoy life and be happy, it's better than isolating and being miserable.  When we accept enjoyment as a part of our lives, we can discover that it is fun to be us.  Right now, stop reading this and laugh, hard to do, isn't it?  But remember next time you get a chance to laugh, cackle, guffaw, or giggle, do it.  Tomorrow, April Fool's Day, may be the day. April Fool's Day is a light hearted day of unknown origins where throughout the Western world, people send each other on "fool's errands" looking for things that don't exist, and playing pranks and practical jokes trying to get others to believe in ridiculous things.  Since we are spirited and alive, what can we bring out of ourselves so that we can be happy and laugh about life?  Well, we can set our sights on celebrations, vacations, and joyous occasions, or on little things like the laughter of our children, the purr of our kitties, or the wagging of our dogs' tails.  It sounds strange, but it helps to develop a playful attitude toward our problems and handle them with a light touch. Laughter can save the day and soothe us, and others, in tense situations.  We should look at the bright side of our difficulties, as good comes out of everything even when it seems to be the darkest. Impersonal contemplation of our challenges is the secret to laughter and perspective.  We need to learn to laugh at ourselves, have fun, and meet each day with a sense of humor.  Humor is a message whose ingenuity and/or incongruity have the power to evoke laughter.  There are even classes where people are coached  to laugh because it is so healthy. Laughter is the best medicine for a long and healthy life, literally and figuratively.  Patch Adams is both a medical doctor and a clown. He believed that laughter, joy, and creativity are an integral part of the healing process; and therefore, true health care must incorporate those aspects of life.  Patch Adams has devoted his life to the study of what makes people happy and laugh.  The very best part of laughing and laughter is that we can take them wherever we go, and remember, "He who laughs last, laughs, best,"  Italian proverb

The Art of Relaxation

Relaxing and unwinding sounds simple and necessary, however, in this fast paced world of ours, we seem to always be in a hurry, never taking time to take it easy.   Projects, work, obligations, and even celebrations, often cause us physical symptoms of tightness, tenseness, anxiety, and stress, which may lead to physical illness.  When we don't relax and take breaks, our bodies get physically tired.  Hard work is rewarding, but at the expense of our health?  It is necessary to strive to manage body, mind, heart, and spirit as efficiently as we do our work. The object is to have balance in our lives, and if we don't keep proper perspectives and set priorities we won't have balance.  When we take a few moments to remind ourselves of what is important, we will find that we are more present and more moment oriented. We also need to relax our minds.  Probably the most effective kind of relaxing is in silence and solitude where we can become calm, think thoughts of tranquility, and have moments of inner serenity and clarity.  There are so many benefits of relaxation. Two are that we get a better perspective on our lives and a feel a sense of universal connectivity.  We relax and loosen up in different ways:  listening to music, watching television, having a massage, walking in nature, or even smiling and not taking ourselves so seriously.  While making relaxation part of our routine, we can ask ourselves what would be pleasant to look forward to.  We may find that vacations become more important. When we come back from vacation, even if we didn't go anywhere, we will almost always feel a sense of renewal. We will have more enthusiasm, and new ideas, perspectives, and plans. If we don't take some time for "rest and relaxation," we "will....forget there are such things as brooks that babble and birds that sing," from a poem by Harry Hidgon.  When we relax and pamper ourselves we see the world around us differently.  Ovid, a Roman poet who was born in 43 B.C. and influenced Shakespeare, said this.  "Take a rest, a field that has rested gives a beautiful crop."

What Makes Our Lives Meaningful?

Victor Frankl, a holocaust survivor, and noted psychiatrist wrote, "Man's deepest need is to have meaning in his life."  Meaning in our lives of course, "means" something different to all of us. Perhaps we want to be loved and validated.  We want to be supported and made to feel worthy, and in turn, have a good self image.  Other ways to have a good self image are to make choices and decisions based on our moral values and integrity to direct our lives toward personal growth. And, also, by giving of ourselves and those intangible qualities of kindness and generosity.  Many of us spend a lifetime trying to find our purpose in life.  Therefore, meaning for us may be a journey within to find ourselves and get to know who we are.  Sarah Ban Breathnach writes about authenticity in her book Simple Abundance.  She asks us to call forth our authentic gifts so that we might know them, acknowledge them, and own them.  Ultimately, we may develop a philosophy of life so that we can live richer, deeper, and more satisfying lives.  Our  lives can also be measured by our accomplishments derived from our dreams and visions, making our lives more meaningful as well.  Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Edison were two of the most important inventors of their time.  They were driven by their passions, emotions, and energy to better mankind and leave something of significance to the world.  Or, perhaps we may find meaning simply in loving life and living it to the fullest.  When we open ourselves to the wonder and beauty around us, we deepen our insight and expand our interests, and express more love. We do this with grateful appreciation of the good in the world, no matter what our circumstances.  Either way, or ways, we search for meaning in our lives, on some level, we can believe, and invest in ourselves, when we discover that true meaning of life lies within.

Never Underestimate Who You Are - Part II

As human beings each moment of our lives has the potential to be a new beginning.  We are free to make new choices and adopt new ideas; we are free to hope and to dream. We have the ability to rise to our challenges and circumstances, and surmount them in order to attain success.  As adults, we are in control of our lives and can choose the life we want to live. James Allen was a British philosophical writer.  In his book, As a Man Thinketh, he wrote on the aphorism (an original, concise thought), "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he."  He notes "A man is literally what he thinks."  We are blessed with the power of thought, and the power of choice.  If we are conscious of our thoughts and can rationally evaluate them, and even form them,  then we can change them.  We just have to make a conscious effort to do so.  We can think good thoughts  and we can create positive energy, and then, we can think bad thoughts and create bad energy. We are also blessed with the powers of visualization, imagination, and creativity.  I call them powers because we basically can transform our lives based on what we think, what we choose, what we visualize, what we imagine, and therefore, what we create.  It is up to us to live up to the potential we were born with, and results of our experiences and education.  As the author, W. Clement Stone writes, "Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve."  We need to believe in ourselves while we strive to make our ideals and visions realities, but it takes patience, determination, endurance, and self discipline.  That we have the capability to be fully alive, aware, and enjoy life is another aspect our humanity.

Never Underestimate Who You Are - Part I

We search to find out who we are and look for what will make us happy, and it is right under our noses.  There is a story called, "An Acre of Diamonds," and in it a man leaves his farm in search of diamonds.  He travels far and wide, and finally returns empty handed, only to have a reason to dig on his own land.  He finds diamonds.  Making an analogy about intrinsic wealth, we are diamonds and we also have diamonds within.  Furthermore, we all have a place in the world, and there is no one just like us.  Not only do we have our own special talents, we have inherent attributes that determine who we are, such as kindness, goodness, patience, generosity, and serenity. However, we need to make choices and decisions based on our moral values and integrity in order to direct our lives toward personal growth and satisfaction.  In order to feel good about ourselves and have self-esteem, we give to others and practice "random acts of kindness." Every good and loving gesture and act we do soothes our souls and contributes to a healthier world.  The object is to love ourselves and others, and be lovable.  In order to achieve this, we have to get to know and accept ourselves, and treat ourselves with kindness and compassion as we would a good friend. To try and see ourselves  realistically we should ask,  "What do I tell myself about who I am?"   And if we don't find ourselves worthy, we need to put effort into changing, replacing negative messages, habits, and actions from the past with positive ones.   We need to abide by the integrity of our minds, and acceptable definitions of right and wrong, and match them with our daily conduct.

Courage

The Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz was going to see the Wizard to ask for courage.  All along the way he was doing brave acts.  Just like the Cowardly Lion, we all have courage and do courageous things, even when we think we don't.  Just to participate in this world it takes courage to be bold, brave, and unafraid to face tough challenges.  Courage pertains to battles, enemies, and heroes, but it also pertains to battles of the mind and the courage to surmount physical handicaps and health challenges.  Courage is to work toward goals and the vision of ourselves as the person we desire and strive to be.  Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "They conquer who believe they can.  He has not learned the lessons of life that does not each day surmount a fear."  And, this can be through love as well as resolute and undaunted determination.  The brave man recognizes the power of thought and isn't defeated by fear, anxiety, frustration, or anger, but rises above these negatives and assumes a positive and victorious approach to life in order to live with faith, trust, and love.  Courage is the willingness to do the right thing in spite of fear, and walk through it even when others are afraid.  It is a quality of spirit that enables us to face danger, pain, and failure.  It is to conquer fear doing the things we are afraid to do, and having trust in ourselves and who we are even though we are vulnerable.  When we are courageous, we are fearless, bold, heroic, and gallant enough to venture out from what we know, are comfortable with, and what is predictable in order to undertake new and daring adventures.  Robert Frost advises, "Have courage and a little willingness to venture and be defeated."  Courage is to be unafraid to take life as we find it and try to  improve ourselves, our community, and help the world at large.  Courage is to "carry on."

Pursuit of Happiness

"Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness," is a well known phrase in the United States' Declaration of Independence.  Based on it, these three characteristics are our unalienable rights. Happiness is the feeling that comes over us when we know life is good.  It is an emotion of well being that ranges from contentment to intense joy.  The Dalai Lama, who suffered the loss of his country, talks about happiness in the book he was interviewed for called, The Pursuit of Happiness.  He believes happiness is determined by our state of mind rather than external events, our attitude and what we perceive our situation to be.  It may be difficult to accept our happiness. We may have dwelt in negative thinking and struggles so that we cannot understand the emotion of happiness, or believe we don't deserve it.  The Dalai Lama goes on to say, "....we are made to seek happiness.  And it is clear that feelings of love, affection, closeness, and compassion bring happiness."  Along with many others, he further believes the best way to be happy is to help others.  However, one premise of his book is that we can't help others unless we are happy ourselves.  The ultimate goal is to find happiness and offer love to others.  Some would say we have been created to give and receive joy.  Happiness, and it's opposite, sadness, are two sides of one coin.  When we shy away from pain and sorrow we risk shutting out happiness.  We can claim our right to happiness as an absolute right that is totally free, and with it comes celebration.  We begin to smile and laugh more and there is a sense of childlike curiosity, wonder, and delight. Happiness is hard to describe because it is an emotion, but it is desired, and it seems the more we have it, the more we want it.  The object is to find productive ways to obtain and express it. Happiness can be found in little things, and then there is the deep abiding feeling of joy.  Again, to quote the Dalai Lama, "I believe that every one of us has the basis to be happy, to access the warm and compassionate states of mind that bring happiness."  So...."Don't worry, be happy," Bob Marley lyrics.

On Healing

We all  have wounds, physically as well as mentally.  Healing is the natural process by which wounds are restored to health.  Some wounds heal quicker than others, some reach a plateau or place of maintenance, and some get worse.  It can be said that some healing comes from within, that our state of mind affects our health.  We may or may not be able to do anything about our health challenges, but either way, a positive attitude and having faith help.  Having faith means believing  in the unseen, when although we don't know through our senses, we feel there is something bigger than us guiding and helping us claim our health and strength.  When we recognize that our birthright is wholeness, we are guided to make new and better choices.  We begin to take better care of our minds, bodies, and spirits, and in time usually feel better and more whole, psychologically if nothing else.  We may be motivated to establish good habits and give up old ones, and in turn feel better about ourselves. Even our life situations improve if we give up relationships with negative people who keep us from being inspired and uplifted as well as those things that drain and cause us stress.  We evaluate what is important to us.  Most superficial wounds can be recovered from, and physical challenges can improve, but sometimes, as we get older, it is the matter of growing gold gracefully, health challenges and all.  Walt Whitman, the American poet and essayist wrote about the body from a miraculous and sacred perspective.  He observed, "If anything is sacred the human body is sacred..."  He asks us to embrace the wonder and miracles of our bodies.  Wayne Dyer in his chapter on Walt Whitman in Wisdom of the Ages writes about how the process of the body healing itself is mystery to everyone and we should observe our bodies and be in "awe of every inch of (them).  No one can stop the ever-changing process of aging, or alter the fundamental structure of the body and our unique challenges, but we can, and should, take as good care of our "divine natures" as we can.

Forgiveness

There are a few kinds of forgiveness:  when we forgive someone, when someone forgives us, and when we forgive ourselves.  Forgiveness is a gradual process, but the reward is great because it makes us feel  surprisingly free.   Forgiving is a gradual process, it isn't easy to "turn the other cheek."   When we forgive another person it doesn't necessarily  mean we forget our hurt and anger, but we are able to let it be and move on.  The best kind of forgiveness is in our hearts and souls.   If someone has done harm to us, we need to forgive them with grace, compassion, and understanding.  Forgiveness is not accepting unacceptable behavior.  We ask for forgiveness because we recognize that we may have harmed others and want to make things better.  Asking for forgiveness of a person who we may have harmed, even unintentionally, takes courage.  There is always the risk of rejection. Besides forgiving others and asking for forgiveness, we also must learn to forgive ourselves for our own sake. We must sweep away and forgive what clutters our hearts and minds because what we hold in our hearts creates the space we live in and share with others.  We need to ask forgiveness so things will be set right and we can be free of any guilt or shame we have been carrying.  Two very important prayers explain the benefits of forgiveness in the very best ways:  First of all, "Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" from the Lord's Prayer, and secondly in the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi which starts with "Lord, make me and instrument of your peace." - "it is in forgiving that we are forgiven."  The goal is to find peace in our lives with others.  Life is too short to dwell on the past and other's opinions of us, or actions toward us, or of our opinions and actions toward others.

Resentments

Resentments, or strong ill will, occur when someone feels they are wronged by someone else in words and/or deeds.  Resentments normally are carried over from the past and grow as they move into the future.  The person who has a resentment feels angry and bitter because they are hurt or humiliated.  A resentment can last a long time, and therefore, it is important and most healthy, to get to the root of it and let it go as soon as possible.  If a person has a lot of resentments, they are usually unhappy, negative, and stubborn people, and may feel like victims.  A resentment may be painful to the one who harbors it as well as to the one who it is directed toward.  However, the person blamed may or may not have any idea they are resented.  It isn't the injury that someone may be hostile about, it is the pain they carry over it.  When the time comes, if ever, resentments may be given up, either due to the passage of time, or forgiveness of the harm done.  If the harmed person, or a person who thinks he is harmed, is able to forgive, he feels a sense of release, relief, and freedom.  It is especially good if this person can forgive himself for harboring the resentment or grievance.  When forgiveness occurs, the uncomfortable feelings of anger, bitterness, and hurt dissipate and the person can move on.  When someone feels wronged, he doesn't take into account the motives or circumstances behind the other person's words and/or behavior.  It is not our job to judge, but to be tolerant and act in ways that are freeing and make us feel good. Resentments hold us down in life to all the beauty and wonder, and kindness and goodness there are around us.

Intimacy

Everyone wants to be loved and validated, we want to be acknowledged and known.  However, it takes courage to let people know who we really are. It takes time before we are able to share ourselves, our concerns, our dreams, and our deepest feelings with others.  It takes time to care about someone and want them to care about us, and to laugh with them and cry with them. Perhaps the biggest issue in intimacy is trust.  From past experience, some of us have found that it is not safe to trust and we bring past experiences into the present and the future.  Trust develops slowly as we reveal ourselves to others and evaluate our feelings about their responses to our self disclosure. Intimacy is having loving and warm, close human relationships where we feel we belong.  However, revealing ourselves and our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs make us vulnerable and we risk rejection.  This is another issue why intimacy with others takes time. It is important to be intimate with ourselves as well, to know who we are.  As Polonius tells his son in Shakespeare's Hamlet Act 1, "This above all:  to thine own self be true..."  We need to get to know, accept, and love ourselves, and treat ourselves with kindness and compassion.  If nothing else, knowing ourselves is an important aspect in relating to other people.  Intimacy assures one or more people being there for us through "thick or thin."  A benefit of an intimate relationship is that we never have to be alone.  Another is, that not only do we have a physical relationship, we have a mental and emotional attachment so that what is said stays with us.  Also, and most important, intimate friends are those people who help us be more ourselves and "who we are intended to be."  Being in an intimate relationship is being true to our highest and best self.

Spring!!!!

Winter is officially over, today is the first day of spring.  The vernal equinox has officially arrived. Definitions of spring are:  "to move forward by leaps and bounds, develop and produce or disclose suddenly or unexpectedly, and a season of growth.  It is a time for spring cleaning:  an opportunity to clean out, not just physically, but mentally.  Don't carry your fears, worries, limitations, disappointments from winter into spring.. The cycle of dormancy is over and we can begin again, renewed, refreshed, and reinvigorated.  Life begins for us when we begin to live it. The earlier we begin to truly live, the longer our real life will be.  Feel the stirring energy of spring, expand your awareness of all the wonderful things happening around you and to you..  This is a chance to see things through new eyes, hear with new ears.  Deepen your sensitivity to simple pleasures.  When you find richness in simplicity, ordinary things become extraordinary.   Emerson wrote, "In nature, every moment is new."  Be one with nature, grasp the love, joy, beauty, wonder, and inspiration of it in the here and now.  There is magic and awe in the moment, and a challenge to a new way of living:  thinking new thoughts, feeling new feelings, and experiencing new experiences.  Spring is unfolding before us.  It is time to celebrate, appreciate, be fully awake, and explore new ideas.  Wonderful things are in store for us.  Honor spring, revere the moments, and strive to live life with greater depth and meaning!

Love is Letting Go of Fear

Love is Letting Go of Fear  is the title of a book by Gerald D. Jampolsky, MD.  His premise is that we perceive the world differently when we are willing to let the past slip away, expand our sense of the now, and dissolve the fear in our minds.  He goes on to say that, although we may fear the unknown, sometimes the fear we feel is predicated on the past which we feel may predict the future.  We base our fears on past experiences thinking more abut the past than the present moment.  And, as far as the future is concerned, how can we fear something that hasn't happened yet?  Mr. Jampolsky writes, "Each instant of our lives can be regarded as a present opportunity for a new awakening or rebirth, free from the irrelevant intrusion of memories from the past and anticipations of the future.  In the freedom of the present moment, we can extend our loving nature because "love is our true reality."  Peace of mind depends upon giving up our fears and trusting that all is, and will be, well.  We can choose to take responsibility for how we act, think, and feel.  As human beings we are able to make choices, therefore, we can choose fear, or choose love.  "Fear keeps (us) shut off and unhealed.  Love opens (us) up and heals (us).  Hope for Today  Choosing love means we stay away from physically, emotionally, or spiritually unhealthy situations and no longer accept unacceptable behavior.  We love and care for ourselves enough to walk away.  "If I look for fear, I'll find fear.  If I look for love, I'll find love." Hope for Today  We need to evaluate what we are reacting to with fear and ask ourselves if our fear is real or imagined.  If it is real fear, we should face it and walk through it, not around it, or deny it exists.   We may have to do this over and over again, but eventually we are able to let go of the feelings associated with fear and learn new ways of relating to the world.  We start to see the world as a kinder, less fearful place, and a new sense of freedom and lightness occur.  We find that: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear because fear hath torment..."  1 John 4:18.  Through letting go of fear we find love, and finding love we are able to let go of fear.  We see the truth of our being which is not meant to fear but to love, be serene, and enjoy life.  

Fear

There is definitely real fear, and at these times, a "fight" or "flight" response and an adrenalin rush occur.  In these situations, we feel scared, frightened, anxious, and panicked.  We may also have feelings of fear due to insecurity, defeat, doubts, unworthiness, or failure; and also, because we don't believe or trust ourselves, that we aren't good enough, or smart enough.  Reactions to this type of fear are running from conflicts or opportunities, isolating, procrastinating, and berating ourselves.   Usually these are the types of fear that result in physical feelings of overall tenseness, feeling clammy, sweating, and being nauseous.  Mental reactions may lead to depression and lethargy, anxiety, and even panic attacks.  We can also fear opportunities and getting out of our "comfort zone," putting up with people, places, and things out of habit and tolerating them because of  fear of the unknown.  Helen Keller wrote, "Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.  Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."  Most of our fears never come to pass anyway.   There is a common saying, "that what you worried about six months ago, you won't even remember today."  And, sometimes our fears are imaginary.  Fear has a way of sneaking up on us, so the best thing that we can do is to try and identify them and/or the triggers.  A fearful person falls into the habit of anticipating trouble.  And then there are the people who fear that they will lose something they already possess, or fail to get something they want.  When we are able to overcome one fear there is a feeling of relief and freedom, but then there is always something to face tomorrow.  Our experiences are rough going sometimes so it helps to take the attitude of I can take it, and "this too shall pass."  Sometimes the more we resist our fears, the more they have a way of controlling us.  Therefore, the more faith and trust we build, the more our fears will subside and be put in a better perspective.  Tomorrow I will be writing about how love is letting go of fear.

Not Just the "Luck of the Irish"

Someone gave me a shamrock plant, and someone else told me to check it for a four leaf clover which I had never heard before.  A four leaf clover is an uncommon variation of the three-part leaves of the shamrock  plant.  Regarding the four leaf clover, each leaf represents one theme:  the first one hope, the second faith, the third love, and the fourth luck.  I write a lot about the first three, so, today, on St. Patrick's Day, I thought it fitting to address the third, "luck."  We hear about the "luck of the Irish," and the shamrock plant is one of their symbols of luck.  It has also has become a world-wide symbol of luck (especially the four leaf clover), like the horseshoe.  Luck is an unknown and unpredictable phenomenon that results in discovering something desirable by accident.  Chance means the same thing as luck, however, something happening by chance may not necessarily have a favorable outcome.  Luck also means good fortune.  Being lucky and having good fortune may happen as the result of one favorable incident, or the probability of future success brought about due to a favorable combination of circumstances.  Luck and chance occur beyond one's control without regard to one's will or desires, whereas good fortune may be expected because of hard word.  Serendipity means the occurrence and developing of events in a happy or beneficial way, similar to luck or good fortune.  It is a happy accident or a peasant surprise.  Serendipity differs from luck and chance as it applies to finding something when looking for something else.  Or, it may occur when a combination of events, which are not  individually beneficial, but when occurring together, produce a wonderful outcome.  Luck, good fortune, and serendipity, are exciting things.  Some people even see them as supernatural happenings.  Others, who "don't believe in good luck," merely associate them with the names of fortunate events.

This Wonderful Thing Called Beauty

Beauty is an attribute, a quality, a characteristic that pleases the senses.  Beautiful is the word that describes what pleases the senses.  When someone sees something of beauty he recognizes it immediately.  Beauty causes feelings of attraction and well being, especially when it is perceived on the "inside as well as the outside."  Beauty can be found anywhere:  in people, animals, objects, and places, and its attraction is more emotional and mental rather than intellectual and physical.  We all know the expression, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." David Hume, a Scottish philosopher and historian, couldn't have said it better when he said, "Beauty in things exist merely in the mind which contemplates them."  A beautiful person can be called captivating, enthralling, exquisite, fascinating, and sometimes extraordinary, but they can also be called  kind, loving, and generous.  It is another one of those qualities that is an ideal.  It is interesting, that often as people go within searching to grow spiritually, they begin to blossom on the outside.  Aesthetics is a branch of philosophy dealing with the nature of beauty.  Plato, an ancient Greek philosopher, felt that "beautiful objects incorporated proportion, harmony, and unity among their parts." Susan Vreeland wrote a book recently called Clara and Mr.Tiffany (of the famous Tiffany lamps). In the book Clara said to Mr. Tiffany, "do you know that your whole face shines and your eyes sparkle when you see something beautiful?"  She went on to say, "Allowing beauty a place in the soul (is) a powerful antidote to the stress and strain of mortal life."  And so it is.  Perhaps beauty in the truest sense of the word can be found in nature.  Walks in nature are so soothing because the very beauty of the environment can't help but have a soothing effect; however, again, "in the eye of the beholder."

Success Defined

When we think of success, we may view it as gaining fame and fortune.  However, many of the most enduring and satisfying forms of success have nothing to do with acquiring power, wealth or fame, but by being happy with the decisions we have made in our lives.  Being successful means having attained or accomplished an intended purpose or goal, and can be applied to anything, anyone, or any venture that ends well.  To be successful typically means we have worked hard for something.  It also may be doing what we have always wanted to do and being where we have always wanted to be.  Success is not limited to one area of life, or one set goal, there can be small or big successes.  Success has many forms and meanings, therefore, what it means to be successful to one person doesn't mean the same to another.  There may be risks involved in setting up and achieving goals, but the rewards can be great.  However, this may not always be the case.  Successes may only bring perceptible results that don't necessarily create fulfilling lives.  Working toward success is mostly attitude and focusing on a desire to achieve which is the impetus to leave something of significance to the world.  It becomes our purpose, passion, goal, inspiration, and motivation.  It brings forth joy, courage, faith, imagination, initiation, patience, and enthusiasm.  Although, not without persistence and self discipline.  Moving toward success is a growth process leading us to make the most of ourselves.  Those who are successful have ideals and visions and strive to make them real.  And, they have high self-esteem.  I saw video today that talked about rock stars being famous because they see themselves no other way.  Lydia Child, an American abolitionist and women's activist writes, "Belief in one's self is one of the most important bricks in building any successful venture."

Does this pertain to you?

You are aware.  You astutely observe life, and everyone and everything, in it.  Every moment is new and in every moment you are mentally alert and alive.  You are curious, interested in, and excited about what is going on around you.  You want to expand your mind and are aware of the many ways knowledge is available to you including through listening to the points of view of others. Being truly aware is not only knowing intellectually (a clear and certain mental apprehension), but intrinsically.  Interested not only of the things of this world, but in building an ever increasing field of knowledge of the universe and of universal values.  Awareness is searching for beauty and finding it everywhere, from a daisy to a Ferrari.  Being aware is thinking positive, and realizing that if you have a head full of concerns and obsessions, it is impossible to feel peaceful.  As an aware person, you are tolerant of others, identifying with their hopes, dreams, longings, and fears so you may understand and help them.  When you have a heightened sense of awareness, you grasp that life is a package deal, a sum of its parts, and that what you find depends on how you look at it.  Therefore, you realize how important it is to count your blessings, and to know your self, what you give your attention to, what you strive for, why you think you are here, and, most important, what your truth is.  "Awareness is developing the deep sensitivity through which you may suffer and know tragedy and die a little, but through which you will also experience the grandeur of human life."  Wilfred Peterson

The Quality of Generosity

We all know what giving us, but there is a form of giving which is giving in an overly abundant and unselfish manner.  Often when we hear the word, generous, we think of monetary gifts, but being generous means more than giving tangible gifts that can be seen and felt.  Generosity brings the spirit of kindness, tolerance, forgiveness, faith, goodness, compassion, and the other gifts of the heart.  When a person is generous, his heart is in the right place and his intention is not to receive as a result of his giving.  He is kind in words and deeds offering encouragement, inspiration, and guidance.  "Generosity begins at home," but a truly generous person doesn't stop there, he continues to give not only to other people and to animals, but to the community, the country and even the world.  A generous person is generous because he is a naturally good person who is charitable and benevolent, and has the virtue of generosity (like faith, love, and hope) that flows not from his own nature.   If one is generous, he is big hearted, warm, and is willing to share what he has and more.  He is kind in words and deeds.  The greatest gifts a man can give are those of him self:  his time, ideas, dreams, plans, and creative talents from artwork and books to inventions.  Being generous is not only living an overflowing way of life, but "real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present." Albert Camus

Staying Young

We all inevitably grow old physically, but we don't have to grow old mentally.  My dad used to say, "died at 50, buried at 92."  People sometimes just give up on life.  Keeping a grateful attitude and their minds active and alert seems to be the best medicine for helping people feel young at heart as they grow older.  So much of feeling youthful is how people feel on the inside and not dwelling on the outside.  After all, wrinkles are just character lines.  It is healthy to follow our dreams, keep busy, and remain flexible.  We are given, and acquire, many talents, that if we are willing to pursue them, we can leave something of significance to the world. Leaving an "ethical will" is when feelings, philosophies, and thoughts are written down so they can be left for family and friends.  When people feel young at heart, they have "sunny dispositions." They are good natured and positive in what they say and what they do.  They are grateful for every day even though they realize that they are given just one time around in life, and this is it.  We can learn from children as they see everything uncomplicated, and not only do they live in the moment, they have a bright and cheerful outlook on life.  Children also laugh.  It is so healthy to smile and laugh.  One of the best remedies for living a youthful life is to laugh with others.  But, probably the best thing people can do, is not take themselves and their experiences so seriously, and have faith. Frank Sinatra sang a popular song with lyrics by King, Riley B. called "Young at Heart."  The verses tell us what happens when we are young at heart:  fairy tales will come true, it is hard to be narrow of mind, we can go to extremes with impossible schemes, life gets more exciting, it is worth every treasure on earth, and "for as rich as you are it's much better by far."  It is important to live every day to the fullest and enjoy our journey which can be thought of as a train ride.  So sit back and enjoy the ride even when it does get bumpy.

Perfect, Perfection, Perfectionist

What do these words mean and have in common?  In the strictest sense of the word, perfect means something that is not flawed, and/or not broken, something that is whole, the sum of its parts like a circle or a period of time.  Actually, other than this, there is no such thing as perfect.  It is a concept and it is relative.  In other words, what someone thinks is perfect, another may not.  For example, grandparents may feel their grandchildren are "perfect," and the parents know better.  Or, someone who loves weather with a little breeze in the 70's may find the day to be perfect, whereas another person, who likes weather in the 90's, may feel differently, and yet another might find perfection in a rainy day.  Also, someone who looks perfect on the outside, may be broken on the inside.  As far as perfection is concerned, this is an ideal, a state of being, an idea or concept that doesn't exist.  Sometimes relationships, seemingly idyllic at first, are anything but that in reality.  An ideal is something to strive for, an ultimate standard.  By the mere fact of the definition and concept of the word, human beings are not perfect, nor are any living species. Georg Wilheim Friedrich Hegel, a German idealist and philosopher wrote, "The unity of Self is even as given in mature experience an imperfect fact."  A derivative of the words perfect and perfection, is the word perfectionist. A perfectionist is a person who has high ideals and standards and strives for over and above excellence.  Intrinsic to a perfectionist is the quality of never attaining the high goals they set for them self.  Therefore, a perfectionist becomes disappointed at not achieving his goals and feels like a failure.  We hear children sometimes feel their parents expected them to be perfect and then feel they did not reach their parent's high expectations, real or imagined. Perfectionists are candidates for one of the philosophies of Alcoholics Anonymous:  "progress not perfection."

Change

Life journeys revolve around people, places, and things, and people, places, and things change. That is just their nature. Change is inevitable and everywhere.  "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.... Ecclesiastes 3:1.  Sometimes a change is complete and permanent, and other times the original nature, or essence, remains the same.  A dramatic change, or event, that occurs when something passes from one state to another, is called a transformation.  A butterfly evolving from a cocoon is a perfect example of a transformation, but a person can undergo a transformation as well, sometimes physically, and sometimes mentally. Every change has a beginning and an end.  The beginnings should be welcomed with hope and the endings appreciated for all that has happened.  Change does not have to be a struggle and can be moved through with grace and ease.  However, this is often not the case, beginnings can be unwelcome because of the unknown, and endings are often resisted. Change can be good or bad, depending on what the change is and who is affected.  One person may want a change and another may not want the change.  As we say about beauty being "in the eye of the beholder," so we can say about change.  We normally think of changes as those things that can be perceived with the senses and that have substance.  But, even a human virtue, such as patience, can change into impatience, and an emotion of caring into not caring.  Only the spiritual, intangible, immaterial Universal qualities, such as love and peace, are changeless.

Inspiration

Being inspired is a wonderful feeling.  It means that you know you are doing something worthwhile and you are excited about it.  It might mean you are simply stimulated to finish a project, or, on a broader scale, it  means you are inspired toward a  particular goal or purpose.  Being inspired is an emotional response which leads one to set goals and work to attain them.  In order to be inspired, it is helpful to have feedback.  It can come from anyone:  our parents, teachers, friends, or a mentor.   Encouragement from someone respected can bring hope into our lives and stimulate us.  If something you are doing is appreciated it can inspire you to do more, write more, cook more, be a better partner, or be the best that you can be.  Inspiration can come from something positive that happens to you, or you may be interested in reading something inspirational.  For example, I read the following quote by Wayne Dyer, "When you are inspired, you activate dormant forces, and the abundance you seek in any form comes streaming into your life."  Probably the best form of inspiration comes from within:  a brilliant idea, a product of your thoughts, a positive feeling regardless if you have encouragement or feedback from someone else.  When creative ideas just seem to flow and your intuition tells you that you are on the right path.  It could be said that something immaterial, or divine, is guiding you.  Anything that you feel compelled to do that emotionally energizes, excites, and arouses you will cause you to become inspired to achieve your highest expectations.  Your imagination is born from inspiration.  Whether someone gives you  inspiration, or you become inspired on your own, doesn't matter.  It is the results that matter.

What Comforts You?

We can either be comforted by someone, or find ways to make ourselves feel comfortable, in other words, comfort ourselves.  Being comfortable is being at ease and having a feeling of freedom from worry, stress, or disappointment.  Or, it can mean cozily relaxing while enjoying the warmth of our shelter.  When someone comforts us, they minister to us giving us a sense of relief and security, or they may soothe us by telling us everything is going to be okay.  Not only can someone soothe us and make us feel comfortable, we can feel "comfortable" and at ease with that person.  Comfort is all about well being.  An unknown author couldn't have put it better when he said, "Friends, make yourself comfortable, make yourselves at home."  When we comfort ourselves, sometimes it means doing something physically to make us feel good, or better.  Or, we can talk to ourselves in positive and uplifting ways.  Even calling someone on the phone may help us work through something if we are upset.  Sometimes a habit, good or bad, can be comfortable because it becomes a behavior that is like wearing a "comfortable pair of slippers."  With all the sadness and frustration in today's world, feeling good is important.  The following is a fitting quote by J. Keye and M. Hall from their book, Recipes for a Beautiful Life:  "Each day it is important to take some time for yourself.  Whether you just sit back and listen to music, take a walk, exercise, or take a bubble bath and escape from the world, you need to free your mind from everyday stress, rejuvenate, and reflect."  So whatever your comforts, let them embrace you.

Wisdom vs. Intelligence

When people are wise, their knowing comes from their experiences and particular ways of living which have left them with deep understanding and compassion.  Many times these experiences are from suffering.  Wise people are those who are empathetic, loving and kind, and have time for others.  They "stop and smell the roses," and are joyful from within.  They are not affected by the woes and chaos of the world.  For them, it is all about life and living.  Wise people are often considered enlightened because they have an awareness of ideas and concepts, that are not only profound, but cause changes on individual and global levels.  They are people of "being," who rely upon their insight, intuition, and judgment.  On the other hand, intellectuals live by doing.  They use their minds and reasoning power in order to learn and then apply this learning to their experiences.  Intelligence is basically obtained and comprehended through education, books, and information gathering.  Intelligent people can be happy at a board meeting, or working on an invention in the basement of their home; the wise can be found in the caves of India or the streets of New York City.  Intellectual or wise, ideas and concepts are grasped in different ways: the wise person uses the right, or emotional and global side of the brain, the intellectual  uses the left, or analytic, side of the brain.  Both are deep thinkers, for the intellectual, things like mathematics, and for the wise, hope and love.  Sometimes people are both wise and intelligent and use both sides of their brains equally.  This is a wonderful combination that takes into account both worlds and is sought out by others.

Moving Forward

When we think about the past, if our circumstances have changed, we might dwell on something we felt went wrong, what we wish would have happened, and/or what we would change.  We have choices to either stay stuck in the past or accept the facts and move on.  Often we hear,"let it go, there is nothing you can do about it, it's in the past."  An article I once read discussed letting things be rather than trying to let things go.  In other words, if thoughts come, don't fight them as they will eventually subside.  We can say we are sorry and make amends which are good things, but we cannot change what has happened no matter how much psychic energy we put into it. It is much more productive to think good thoughts and understand that experiences are opportunities to learn about ourselves, other people, and life in general.  H.G. Wells said, "The past is but the beginning of the beginning."  Sometimes the past is painful and may be the result of having high expectations, or trying to change or control a situation or another person.  By detaching and accepting the situation as it is (because it is) we are  better able to let go of the pain and thinking that makes it so and move forward.  Sometimes we need to forgive someone and that can be difficult to do as well.  How many times are resentments carried over from the past?   A forward moving person is one who makes progress.  Dealing with reality, living in the present, and having good thoughts about a prospective future will lead to growth rather than continuing to remain stagnant.  Life is too short to dwell on things we cannot do anything about.  A bigger, better, and brighter future awaits us.

The Golden Rule

The Golden Rule is considered the "ethic of reciprocity."  It is the relationship between one's self and others that equally involves both sides.  Simply stated it means:  "one should treat others in ways that one would like to be treated."  The term "Golden Rule" has roots in ancient cultures and all of the major religions state that someone should not do things harmful to others that would bring harm to him as well.  The Golden Rule has come to stand for any important rule or guide for conduct; therefore, it can apply to saying something to someone as well.  For example, when one person is talking to another, he should take that person's feelings into consideration, and how he would feel if what he was saying to that person was said to him?  So many people forget the principle of The Golden Rule and feelings are needlessly hurt, when pausing and reflecting a split second may mean all the difference in the world.  Granted, it may be hard to know what will hurt someone's feelings and what may hurt one person may not hurt another.  However, whenever we speak, or act, how hard is it to be thoughtful and kind?  Someone who isn't sensitive to another's feelings when speaking to him is tactless, blunt, and may use a lack of judgment.  Blunt in this case means outspoken, direct, and often rude.  Regarding actions, everyone likes to be nice to.  In summary, when you are not sure what to say or do regarding another, consider the effect it will and have and if you would like that affect.

Attitude and Gratitude

There are many references to having a good attitude such as having "an attitude of gratitude," or telling a person who is in despair to make a gratitude list.  Having a good attitude can make all the difference in the world.  Aldous Huxley wrote, "Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you."  And the famous William Shakespeare said, "Nothing is either good or bad.  It's thinking that makes it so."  The way people look at their lives and think about their experiences, cause their reactions.  When they have a good attitude and are grateful, they acknowledge that thier experiences, good and bad, and their joys and sorrows, offer opportunities for growth.  People who are grateful, and in turn have a good attitude, reach a point where they honestly believe that all of their experiences were necessary for them to be where they find themselves to be  today, and look forward, without trepidation, to tomorrow. They find peace and contentment and concentrate on what they have rather than on what they don't have.  They have an attitude of  "the glass is half full rather than half empty."  No matter how discouraged they get, they know there is always something to be grateful for, even if it is the basics of food, clothes, and shelter.   Being grateful is being grateful to someone, or perhaps something that has happened.  In the spiritual sense of the word, when people are grateful, they have faith in something greater than themselves.

Faith

Most people have faith in something, whether it is in a spiritual entity, another person, a group of people, or themselves.  Having faith is a belief that something is true, or will come about.  Theologically, faith means a strong belief in the unseen as noted in the Bible in Matthew 17:20, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to a mountain move from here to there and it will move."  Having faith is trusting that when someone says they are telling the truth that they are e.g., a friend who says he will follow through on his promise.  When someone is faithful, he is loyal, and this certainly can be said about our pets.   How often do we say the words,"our pet," and "loyal," in the same breath?  In order to have faith and trust in another person, it usually doesn't happen unless we get to know them and find them to be kind, honest,  reliable and so forth.  We don't all have trust and confidence in the same thing.  One person may have faith in a particular legal system and another may feel it is a sham.  Also, some people believe in things that aren't necessarily good for them.  For example, a one-sided, loveless relationship.  It is important for human beings to have faith in themselves in order to feel valued and validated.  Sad, but true, some people have no faith in themselves, or anyone or anything.

Characteristics of a Counselor or Helper

Sometimes people feel they cannot handle a situation or extenuating circumstances by themselves.  Therefore, they may seek outside help.  If this is the case, to be effective, whomever they choose should be good listeners, trustworthy, compassionate, understanding, and empathetic. Good helpers should also be flexible and able to deal with nuances in the conversation, only give pertinent feedback when necessary and/or asked for, give focused attention, and make eye contact.  Their body language should be relaxed and open and a sense of humor and lightness, when appropriate, goes a long way.  Counselors and helpers should be kind and genuine and want the best state of mind and being for the person seeking advice or help.  A counselor may be a psychologist or psychiatrist, or could be the family doctor, a pastor, a life coach, or a good friend.  I have noted some of the most important things to look for in seeking help from others.  There may be more specific qualities looked  for, but most important, anyone chosen should be safe, trusted, and confidential.   In looking at this list, it would be interesting for one to ask himself or herself whether he or she has these qualities if asked for help.

Being Rewarded

Rewards can be given as a type of encouragement or a way of giving feedback and reinforcement. They are given for a job well done because of someone's talent, expertise and/or a service performed.  Rewards can be monetary or simply a thank you.  They are meant to stimulate someone to continue in a certain direction, or as a consequence of something special that was completed or accomplished.  Rewards are given to support worthy acts or behavior. As a benefit, a company I once worked for gave jewelry with different color stones as rewards for not only lengths of service, but for the fulfillment of certain acts of service. On a personal level, you can give yourself rewards as well. This is common regarding setting and achieving goals.  We hear that, as motivation for reaching goals, it is a good idea to establish rewards along the way to be given when goals are reached. Something to look forward to.  Sample rewards are from a new pair of jeans to a special treat like a hot fudge sundae.  Usually something that gives you pleasure that you don't ordinarily buy or do yourself.   Anything that makes you feel like you accomplished something.